Currently Listening Set Yourself on Fire By Stars see related

I'm alive

I am convinced that I know the best people in the world. Really. I do. You know who you are. Near or far, you have been such a blessing- and I thank God for you. I saw this saying the other day: "Your friends know who you really are. And they still love you." It made me smile. It's the same with God. It amazes me that He knows me better than I know myself-- and despite all of my crap, He loves me. He pursues me.

I'm sick of trying to love God more. And seek God more. I can't do it. I try and I fail. What I am doing most of the time is denying His love and pursuit of me because I think I can do it on my own- or I am punishing myself with the mindset that I have to earn my way. The single most important thing I've learned this semester:

            Let Him love me more.

               Let myself be found by Him more.

The school of life is teaching me a lot lately. And growing up sucks. But it's amazing at the same time. . . 

Currently Listening The Miseducation Of Lauryn Hill By Lauryn Hill see related

The Bullet...

Today at Bed Bath and Beyond an old man came in and asked for a wheel chair for his wife. He went on to say she was in a coma for 3 weeks and just came out of it a few days ago. I was shocked to see a short lady standing wobbly by the doorway. Her face looked black and blue and swollen. She looked like a truck had hit her. But she had a smile on her face. I told her I was glad she was out of the coma. She said "Yes. I am too. And I'm just so glad to be here. Ever since I came out of my coma, all I've wanted to do is come here and return my blender so I can get a Bullet." -- a bullet is this really nice dicer thing that makes smoothies and stuff. I had to hold ba ck my laughter. Of all the things to think of after coming out of a coma! . . . 

(The Original Magic Bullet Express has everything you need to start creating delicious drinks, desserts and more.)

Currently Listening The Weight Is a Gift By Nada Surf see related

Always Love

What makes me think my time is more valuable than their need(iness) or problems?

I am the problem.

The weight is a gift.

Currently Listening Oh, Inverted World By The Shins see related

"You'd think the inner dome of heaven had fallen"

Today was the first day of classes. I had a 7, 8, 9, and 10. My mind and body are not accostomed to this I will dearly miss sleeping in late and afternoon naps. meh.

Here are some quotes and thoughts from today since it was so eventful----

"I'M GOING TO MISS THIS PLACE."     It was written on a desk I sat at today. I kinda felt like it had found me. And it's true. I really will miss this place. As much as I have wanted to leave, I really truly will miss this place...  And  I thank God for putting people and things in my life to miss.

"What if God's on your side?" I went to the class Study Skills today. It's the second time I have had to take it thus far in my college career because I have a (very) low GPA. My proffesor, Shawn Lindsay asked us what percentage of students failed out of school after taking study skills. We guessed 10% or 15%. Nope. A whooping 46% fail, even after learning to be a better student. Then Jay McAllister (aka Jiggy Jay) spoke up and said "What if God's on your side?" We all laughed... but secretly hoped that God would be on our side. Or that we would be on the side of a passing grade.

"Hang onto God and not your disappointments." My professor said this during study skills class. And it's a good statement. There is hope. And not just for academia. For everything. For everyone.

"Where does it say that to be an Apostle you had to be alive during Jesus' life?" Elder Smith asked this after I asked him why they call it a "Great Apostasy" when really there weren't any more "apostles" but there were Christ followers instead.  And he was a little befuddled when we showed him where in Acts-- but made a decent recovery. This prophet and apostle thing is a big deal. Apparently (according to Mormons) there was a "Great Apostasy" before Joseph Smith was revealed as a prophet... and the plot thickens....

Soon the sun's warmth makes them shed crystal shells

Shattering and avalanching on the snow-crust--

Such heaps of broken glass to sweep away

You'd think the inner dome of heaven had fallen.

-Birches by Robert Frost

P.S.-- Don't lock your car doors. The lock can freeze on the inside so you won't be able to turn your key in it.

Currently Listening Hurricane Glass By Catherine Feeny see related

They know just where you are...

I just found this song by Catherine Feeny. Made me think... and made me love her honesty...

I come home
And I find myself alone again
And I need your voice on the phone
To remind me of how brave I am
Cause I get scared at night and I lose my heart
I see faces in my window, I hear noises in the dark
I lose my mind between the front door and the car
But you cannot run from demons
They know just where you are

And I buy draperies to keep me in
Cause I fear my heart is beating on the outside of my skin
And anyone who wants to can look on in
They will find me in my solitude
Yeah, sometimes in my sin

Cause these walls ain’t thick enough to keep out the sound
Of the ghosts who dance outside my door
They feed upon the ground
They stepped on from the heavens
They reach up from the mud
Their eyes are empty
They are looking for blood

There was a lady, she lived next door
She ain’t living anywhere anymore
No, she died slowly and full of pain
And I never saw her face and I never learned her name
But she visits me on some days
She asks me where I come from
She asks me why I stay

But she knows that I get scared at night and I lose my heart
See faces in my window, I hear noises in the dark
And I lose my mind between the front door and the car
But you cannot run from demons
They know just where you are